I woke up in a hell of a mood this morning. I’m not quite sure why really, it must have been the result of a bad dream or more likely a nightmare I had during the night. Of course I don’t remember any part of the dream or what it had to do with, all I could get out of it was the shitty, apathetic way its left me feeling. There’s nothing like beginning one’s day in a morose state of melancholia. Talk about having an off day, mine is way off! Oh what a feeling!
So there I was, feeling like crap hung over, caught up in a major “life sucks” frame of mind trying to read through the L.A. Times on my tablet as I do every morning , but everything I read seemed like such a load of bullshit that I shut down my tablet and turned on the local news on TV instead. Again every news story the bullshit news team presented seemed like such a crock of crap that I sat there wondering why they even bothered to cover half of the bullshit stories they were broadcasting? The shit they were presenting was just that, a load of crap, so I shut off the TV and just sat there alone in the family room wondering just WTF was going on.
As I sat there sulking I came to the realization that I’m just fed up with all the bullshit around me and just can’t take much more of it. Yeah that’s right I’m fed up, fed up society, fed up with trying to understand why things are the way they are, fed up with dumb people doing dumb things. I’m fed up with being told what I can and can’t do, fed up with trying to get by and with people who don’t understanding me or even care to. I’m sick and tired of saying “I’m sorry” even when I’m not. Yeah you know exactly what I mean. “I’m sorry I’m late, I’m sorry I said that, I’m sorry that happened, I’m sorry I forgot, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” What a crock! The list goes on and on and on. I’m so sick of it. I am fed up with apologizing when I have nothing to apologize for— I’m not sorry! Sometimes it’s not my fault! God I’m fed up with saying what I think others expect to hear! I’m sick and tired of feeling the way I do.
It’s all so overwhelming and oh so depressing! I tell you I’m so fed up with the killings, abductions, hatred, child abuse and other acts of senseless violence we hear about each and every day. I’m fed up with the way we treat one another and the insincerity we exhibit. Society has gone to hell. What happened to courtesy, respect and caring about one another? What happened to concern for our fellow man? What the hell happened to us?
Yeah, I know, I’m in rare form today. I haven’t been in this frame of mind in ages. But believe me this isn’t a pity party, I’m not feeling sorry for myself. If anything I’m feeling sorry for us all! I’m not happy with the direction that society has taken. I’m so fed up with everyone around me. No one seems to care anymore. It’s all about the hype and making things bigger and more important than they really are. It’s all about the individual, what’s best for me? What’s in it for me? Bad shit happens to someone and that’s too bad, but hey my life goes on…
I tell you, I’m so fed up and frustrated, sick and tired of what I see, what I read and what I hear. At my age I’m no longer interested in the embellishment and the “big story” I’m only interested in truth, consistency and making a difference. Am I the only one? Is this the reality we live with? Is this really what we have become. We’re more than that, much more. Have we really become so cold-hearted and unfeeling? God I hope not. I’m fed up with this bullshit!
Yes I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but today I just couldn’t help it. I woke up feeling this way. Life is filled with unending possibilities and we are free to pursue any that we choose. We all have our own purpose and pursuing that purpose brings us fulfillment and happiness. We need to make the most of our lives and not let ourselves get bogged down by the daily humdrum. It isn’t always easy and we’re sure to experience a bad day now and again on our journey. Today was one of those days for me. It wan’t exactly a good day, but it did get me thinking. I know tomorrow will be better. If not tomorrow, then perhaps the day after that, but I know it will get better….
Just a Thought…